It’s just another day. You know the kind I mean. You move as if on automatic pilot: responding to urgencies, one after the next, driven to react, and react, and react, to whatever, or whoever, is yelling for attention. After a while, one day pretty much looks like the last ten, and life moves on through its petty pace from day to day.

After a year or two of urgency, you find yourself burnt out, stressed, getting sick, or simply losing interest and motivation.

Gavin’s terrible twos stage was really rearing it’s ugly head the other day.  It was one thing after another.  I actually laughed at it all really.  This particular display had me almost in tears.  He was being so serious, acting as if he did nothing wrong, unaware of the mess he had created.  He proceeded to simply play in the aftermath.  We were getting ready to go see my mother.  All I had left to do was get his shirt and shoes on.  I went into the bathroom to wash my hands after changing his messy diaper and afterward as I stepped out of the bathroom, a strong scent of baby powder filled the air.  As I approached the living room, I saw a big puff of white powder surrounding Gavin.  I had mistakenly left the powder open and in his reach… he was having a good ol’ time.  I couldn’t help but laugh.  I grabbed my camera and reminded myself… these are the moments to remember.  He won’t be this little for very long.

Will there ever be any relief? Relief from these rediculously high gas prices. We originally had plans to meet my sister and her family half way for a visit and something fun to do. We were going to stay in the Battle Creek area on the westside of the state.  Since they live in Chicago, west Michigan would be the perfect area to meet up for a fun weekend.  We had plans to go to Full Blast Adventure Park and enjoy their indoor waterpark, and maybe another day visit the Binder Park Zoo and feed the giraffes.

BUT NOOOOOoooo.. these gas prices have put a damper on all our plans cause it would cost more in gas than it would for our hotel stay. What a bummer. At least Gavin, being only 2 years old, doesn’t understand what’s going on, he really had no idea what we were going to do, so there’s no disappointment on his end.. shoot, he’s happy to just go to the local Greek diner to see the "Opa man" as he calls him, and the flaming cheese… LOL

So hubby says that this means that we’ll have more funds to do something fun for our anniversary coming up on September 27th.

Have a save and fun Labor Day weekend!!

In my doubt and worry lately with weighing the pros and cons of taking on a new challenge at work or continuing to work part-time so that I’m home for Gavin I turned to my mother for some input and advice. She of course will support me in whatever I do. She understood and tried comforting me regarding this battle going on in my head about what I’m suppose to do with my life now… meaning now that I’m a wife and new mother all over again. Yes again, as I also have a son from a previous relationship that’s about to turn 18 who lives with his father. So in my self-doubt and self-pity, my mother sends me this card. Why is it that moms always know just what to say, just what to do to put a whole new perspective on things… Thanks Mom!!! I love you!  Below is the card she sent.

Continue On

A woman once fretted over the usefulness of ther life.
She feared she was wasting her potential
being a devoted wife and mother. She wondered if
the time and energy she invested in her
husband and children would make a difference.

At times she got discouraged because so much
of what she did seemed to go unnoticed and unappreciated.
"Is it worth it?" she often wondered. "Is there
something better that I could be doing with my time?"

It was during these moments of questioning that she heard
the still, small voice of her heavenly Father speak to her heart:
"You are a wife and mother because that is what I have
called you to be. Much of what you do is hidden from the
public eye. But I notice. Most of what you give is done
without remuneration. But I am your reward. Your husband
cannot be the man I have called him to be without your support.
Your influence upon him is greater than you think and more
powerful than you will ever know. I bless him through your
service and honor him through your love. Your children
are precious to Me, even more precious than they are
to you. I have entrusted them to your care to raise for Me.
What you invest in them is an offering to Me.

"You may never be in the public spotlight.
But your obedience shines a bright light before Me.

Continue On.

Remember, you are My servant, Do all to please Me."

I can’t believe it’s already been 2 months since she passed.  I’ve lost family members before, but never someone this close.  My grandmother was an amazing woman.  Her sense of humor, her generosity, the way she opened her heart to everyone.  Today would be her 80th birthday.  She was so proud and looking forward to making the 80th year mark, unfortunately she fell just a couple months short.  But in her final days of battling the cancer that took over her body so quickly, we gave her her 80th birthday.  We (about 12 of us) were at her house all surrounding her in her bed.  We had a cake with lit candles and as we sang she smiled her last smile.  I really do miss her so so much. I picked out a pretty silk flower arrangement and went to her grave today.  I hadn’t been there since her burial on July 2nd.  I look forward to the day that I get to see her again.

Our playgroup had a field trip to a local firehouse today.  The entire ride Gavin kept asking to go to the Fire Station.  We had quite a group meet at the fire station.  The kids absolutely loved it.  They gave us a tour of the firehouse, then the kids got to get on the ambulance.  I’m sure the highlight of the kids day was when they got to sit in the drivers seat of the fire truck.  While waiting in line Gavin kept asking.. "Gavin drive fire truck?" It was so cute. I’d tell him to wait his turn and he’d repeat me.. "Wait your turn"  He did so well and was so patient waiting until it was his turn to sit in the fire truck.  Then they pulled the fire truck out of the station so they could show all the kids how they raise the ladder. They turned on all the flashing lights and honked the horns.  They couldn’t runt he sirens though because they’re located on a busy street and didn’t want to cause any alarm to the motorists on the street.  Afterward one of the firemen got out his fire suit and showed the kids all the different parts to the gear they wear during a fire. It was a fun afternoon.

My mom and I took Gavin to the Detroit Zoo on Monday.  The weather was perfect.  The whole drive there Gavin kept saying "going to the zoo?"  He loved seeing all the animals.  We took a break in their food court and had some pizza.  There were these peacocks acting like seagulls or pigeons, almost literally begging for food.  They’d get so close that you could let them take the food from your hand, too risky for me.  Gavin thougth it was really cool that the peacock walked right up to his stroller.  He’d throw a piece of his pizza crust on the ground and laughed at peacock and sparrows racing to get it.

I think the highlight of the day for Gavin was the mist machines they had placed throughout the zoo.  They were really nice.  It was a hot day, but not too hot, your perfect summer type day.  The mist machines were a wonderful refreshment during the walk.  Gavin spent a good 20 minutes at one just running through it, I got a few good shots of it on my camera.

The polar bear exhibit is always a treat.  It happened that they were feeding the bears as we entered the exhibit.  As you entered in the tunnel, you could watch the polar bear fetch all the fish under the water.  A really neat sight is when they step on top of the tunnel, you can see their massive paws.. WOW!  It was a nice day out.

Our office receptionist comes up to me yesterday to say that I’m looking rather pale today. Pale? What does that mean? I felt fine. Then this morning I get an email from my husband asking how my morning is going and to see if I’m feeling okay, that I didn’t look too good last night.  I have no idea what brought all this on. Maybe I was in a little rush yesterday morning and was too brief with the bronzing brush, maybe I was just tired. I haven’t had the nerve to ask our receptionist how I look today. She can be rather honest. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.. she’s just very.. open, maybe that’s the word I need?

I’ve decided not to take the offer my boss gave me regarding an apprenticeship. It’s just the wrong time for me. Gavin will be in school in a few years, maybe then I can start to think about working more.  One of the young assistants here in the office helped me decide without her even knowing.  We were eating lunch and her being barely out of high school she started commenting on the cafeteria food in comparison to high school food.  During her conversation she used the words.. "I was raised in a daycare"… those words alone set off a spark in me and right then I decided.. Gavin is NOT going into a daycare so I can work more.  He needs me at home right now.  This poor 19 year old gal has more memories of the daycare that "raised" her than anything else.  Apparently her mom worked many hours, sometimes late into the evening.  I couldn’t do that to Gavin.  I want him to remember being with Mom.

So in the meantime… my mind is, well… unchallenged.  My husband has a couple-few, shall we say, extra cirricular activities, i.e. golf.  I don’t have anything outside of motherhood or work that I can call my own.  So for starters, upon winning that eBay auction for the camera flash, I’ve taken up to striking a deal with one of the moms in our playgroup that is a professional photographer.  She does the occassional wedding for extra money.  I’ve always wanted to do something like that, so I’m going to start going with her to a few weddings and taking some pictures with my own camera, just to start getting the feel for it all.. build a portfolio, something like that.  We’ll see… my dream job has always been photographer/photojournalist.  Compared to what I’m doing now, that would be awesome!!

Took Gavin to the Detroit Zoo today, had a lot of fun. Read about it here.  You can also see the pictures in the Detroit Zoo photo album.

I left work Wednesday without my paycheck, didn’t think about it until I was bumper deep in traffic on the Southfield Freeway.  So yesterday, for my day off, I came to the office.  Brought my 2 year old with me, he had fun flirting with all the assistants and they loved it.  After picking up my check and while in the area, I made a stop by my former place of employment.

I was laid-off/let-go in June of 2004 after 6 years with the company. I had gone part-time after having Gavin; a year later they decide to cut all part-time positions and suddenly I was just as expendable as the position I held.  To keep the story short, I’ll just say that I loved working there and hated that I had to go. Yeah, I could have transferred out to Chicago or worse yet demote myself, take a pay-cut and ignore the 6 years worth of on-the-job training and learning about the system to become their new receptionist.. NO THANK YOU!  Again, in short… it sucked getting let go.

So Gavin and I walk in and we’re greeted by my old boss, it was nice to see her.  I still get the gossip every now and then because my husband works for one of their clients (which is how we met).  Walking through the office suite was like walking through a ghost town.  When I started there back in 1998, there were hundreds employed there, today there’s little over twenty, which is pretty much how it was when I left.  The size of the suite has shrunk since I started and even now there’s far too much useless and unutilized space.  Empty cubicles that once housed ringing phones, blinking computers, papers, pictures, and the most obvious, people.  I walked past my old space in client services, it was still empty.  I purposely avoided lingering in the area for too long.  What a waste.

It was great to see some of my old co-workers. I miss them the most. My husband sees them now more than I do.  He fills me in when he can.  Just the other day he was talking about a new product they are taking on and I began my sentence with "we" meaning my old company and as if I was still working there.  That was an added benefit, having my husband working for a client.  Benefit for my side as well as the place my husband works.  But we could each come home from work and actually know about the other persons day, including the quirks, pitfalls, hassles, and yes the gossip.. LOL  On top of that, my husband’s employer just happened to be one of the clients I took care of… needless to say, he and I became the topic of gossip for awhile once the secret that we were dating was made public within the circle.

I could go on and on.. I really miss those days.  My new job is well… working out.  I like my new boss and his associates.  I’m appreciative of the opportunities that he’s opening up for me.  But it’s not a ‘comfortable old shoe’ yet, if that makes any sense.  My old job was 2 comfortable old shoes that I at least get to put on every now and then when I go by there.  Just isn’t the same.